FUCK THE X-FACTOR: BUY THIS

MONTHS of MANUFACTURED SHIT, pumped, colonic irrigation-style, into the earSEholes of the great, drugged, indifferent, sleep-walking, bollocks-talking BRITISH PUBLIC. your duty now, Mr. and Mrs. Lemming, is to make another dollar for that high-waisted, plastic-mouthed svencreepy COWELL. the spewings of his latest instant nobody is gonna be "your" Christmas NUMBER ONE, right?? right??? 'cos it's TRADITIONAL. traditional like a chocolate log (I made one of those earlier) from ICELAND; traditional like wanting to strangle your mother-in-law with whatever she bought you in MARKS (but don't get any MARKS on it 'cos you can join a long line, snaking round the RETAIL PARK on BOXING DAY, all queued up to return the unwanted goods).

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. not this year. if you're young enough or dull enough to give two shakes of a labradoodle's dick about the sHIT PARADE but wise enough and fine enough to want to deny the march of the XXXXXXXXXXX-factor's-got-talent-out-of-here then there is a more GRASSROOTS option this time. You may remember this dude who has a stall in an East End market, getting squillions of YouTube videos of the stuff he belts out to reel in cost-conscious fish buyers: 

APPARENTLY, he auditioned at the X-Factor but the panel of fuckwits were NOT FUSSED. BUT giant MUSIK CORP. WARNER see the potential of shifting a few units here. akin to that KOREAN loon probably? So they have done this thing here and A GOOD MANY PEOPLE are urging us all to boost it up to CHRISTMAS NUMBER ONE. it's a MISSION. and more fun than speaking up about George Osborne's mates INJECTING CLEANING FLUID into the EYES OF YOUR DISABLED GRANDMOTHER as a way of DEALING WITH THE LEGACY OF LABOUR'S DISASTROUS MISMANAGEMENT and doing something for BRITAIN'S HARD-WORKING STRIVERS.