JUMP, DAMMIT!!!

Twenty-four million quid for an injury-prone player who wants to leave, who has only a year to go on his contract and who has only really had one truly cracking recent season. Yes, a good bit of business by Arsenal today, especially if Messrs Giroud and Podolski prove to be decent signings. But the best bit about it is that Piers Morgan is now obliged to jump off Santa Monica pier and be dragged down into the Pacific by lead weights. Back in November he promised to do exactly that in the event of Robin van Persie leaving the north London club:

It's anyone's guess as to why Morgan felt that his suicide threat would discourage the Dutch forward from seeking new opportunities away from the Emirates Stadium. But it must be something to do with the incredible hubris of the man. The preening ninny may actually believe he's a widely liked public figure rather than an object of scorn. Christ, he's even disliked simply for his smugness and smarminess by people who don't remember he was fired by a tabloid newspaper for being conned into printing photos that purported to depict British soldiers abusing an Iraqi man but which turned out to be fakes. Perhaps you will recall a former commander of the defamed regiment commenting that the Mirror's error had put lives in danger and had served as a recruiting poster for al-Qaeda. If you do remember that comment, you may have found it very rum indeed when Morgan spent much of his time during the Olympics handing out Twitter lectures on patriotism to any British medal winners who chose not to belt out a lusty rendition of God Save the Queen.

He's a massive egoist and a hypocritical shit, isn't he? Wouldn't it be great if concrete evidence of his involvement in phone hacking does come to light. Still, perhaps that's beside the point if the sociopathic bell-end is going to make good his promise down in Santa Monica today.

Go on, Piers! DO IT!